I wish I could have come up with a much edgier title, but having a birthday puts perspective on many things. As I sit back and reflect on this day, my birthday, I've come to some not so startling conclusions. These are not epiphanies as much as knowledge becoming (I hope) wisdom.
I'm not the same.
37 years have gone by and who I was at 13, 21, even 35 has changed. In some aspects quite drastically. My focus is different and it affects numerous parts of my life and the lives of the people around me. I can see where I have grown, where once weakness ruled now there is strength. In the same breath I can see certain areas where I still struggle and wonder if there will ever come a time when I know for sure I've mastered this sin. But I see things more clearly and give praise to God for the grey hairs on my head because I know He's used the situations that have occurred over my lifetime to mold me into who I am. Heck, I even drink coffee now!!
I desire less
I've noticed over the last 2 years that I have less desire to own things. Where once I would spend what I could to purchase the latest gear with my team's logo on it, even today I find myself caring less about sports, wealth, and material possessions and more about obtaining experiences. I would much rather go to a baseball game and see the sights and sounds than just buy a t-shirt. 2 years ago was also when I started praying that God would reduce my obsession with sports. God true to form answered my prayer and not necessarily in the way I wanted. While I am still struggling to figure out what to replace it with I can tell that my life is richer for watching less sports and engaging in time with family and friends. As I slowly remove things that no longer have value and free up much needed space, a level of freedom has arisen that is more than I bargained for. I'm still wrapping my mind around the idea that by owning less I actually have more of what really matters.
I watch less TV
For some it may seem small but for the first time ever I cut cable out of my life. While I still have a Roku and have access to basic television, I rarely watch it anymore. And because I have less access to TV I have less access to sports (see above). I've come to the understanding that it matters very little if I keep up to date on the most popular shows as in the next 5 years they will most likely be off the air. I find that my mind is far less cluttered than what it used to be and it has freed me to pursue other things. I never realized how much time and resources TV took up in my own life. TV isn't bad, but like many things if we do not create boundaries it is more than happy to suck the joy out of life. I even get more enjoyment out of movies now than I ever did before.
I know what and who I am
Just like everyone I've attempted to become all things to all people. Yet I can't think of a time when this actually worked out for anyone's good. It's taken me far too long to come to grips with what and who I am. Some people will enjoy being around me, some will not. I am a child of God. I love to laugh. While I enjoy good theological books I'm not an academic. I prefer the practical over theoretical. I'm a better speaker than writer. I feel more alive preaching than in anything else I do in life. I'm not ashamed of being weak nor of not having every answer to every question that is asked of me. I'm not a manager or a future CEO, and nor do I wish to be. Money does not motivate me at all and I'd rather read a good book out on my balcony than go to a party. I'm an introvert with extrovert characteristics that I've worked hard at building to allow me to function in society. Just because I don't call doesn't mean I don't love you but it does mean I severely dislike talking over the phone. I'm happy and content with what I have and do not wish to aspire to be anyone else walking this earth. But if I could be a bit more like Christ today than I was yesterday then I would know I'm moving in the right direction.
God willing, I'm looking forward to the next 37 years. Who knows what lessons I might have learned by then. Hopefully it won't take that long for another post ;)
